Tag Archives: flowers

Flowers for Strangers


Friends are not the only recipients of flowers today! Strangers have received flowers too. 

Each stranger was left a flower and an envelope explaining the RAK on their car. Well, one recipient had a soft-top car with the roof down so his was left on his driver’s seat. I watched him and another return to their cars, rather puzzled as to where the flowers had come from! 

I found this RAK quite difficult. I hated the thought of fiddling with people’s wipers in a public place and I definitely didn’t want to be spotted by the car’s owner. As I approached one car I noticed someone sitting in it so quickly made a sharp exit! In the end, I found a quieter car park and slotted the flower stem under the wipers without lifting them, hoping that the envelopes taped to the stem will weigh them down a bit! 

If you were the recipient of a flower today I hope it brightened your day! Pay it forward when an opportunity arises. We’d like that. 

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Flowers for Friends

 
Freesias were her favourite flowers. She loved how scented they were. 

This Random Act of Kindness was for her two oldest friends who knew her the longest. We spent many holidays together growing up, had meals and played games at each other’s houses. There are many very happy memories that were created as a result of these friendships, friendships which will always be there somewhere even though she is no longer here. 


This was a nerve-wracking RAK because, although it’s anonymous, I am pretty sure that they will work it out easily. Plus, one friend was most definitely in when I left the flowers on the doorstep and ran away. At the other house, it looked like no-one was home but, because of all the windows facing the paths to the house, I left the flowers by the back gate. 


A boy of about 7 watched as I ran around with flowers and ran back to my car without them. I did have the thought of asking him to deliver them for me but thought that I should probably do it myself. 

It’s quite a windy day. I hope the flowers are found soon before they blow away! I know she would have liked this RAK. Time passes but her memory lives on and her old friends will know that their friendship is never forgotten. 

Kindness counts

Before starting this project we were, in my opinion, already kind people. That’s who she made us to be. I use ‘made’ figuratively of course – we are kind because we grew up around her kindness not because it was forced upon us. I remember her telling me that she once came across an old lady in the street who had died. She wrapped a blanket around her and sat with her while an ambulance came. When other people asked if the lady was ok, she pretended that she was fine just so as not to upset other people. Another time, one of LJM1’s colleagues abroad was planning to spend Christmas alone.  There was no question – she would spend Christmas with us. Even during that time, the time of her first diagnosis (Christmas eve of all days) she went out of her way for other people. She made her feel welcome in a time of family, of tradition, when many don’t let the outside in. I wonder what she would make of the political nightmare our country is going through now. She had no common language with our guest but that didn’t matter. She would never have bought into the anti-immigration rhetoric.

Whenever I get upset that my children won’t know what she was like or when I worry about being a good mum my husband always says something along the lines of “yes they will, they’ll know her through you” and “she taught you how to be a good mum by demonstration”.

This week I have done two things that you might call kind. I am not, however, counting them towards our Random Acts of Kindness. For one, they are borne out of guilt and two, they are based on things I should have done but didn’t.

I forgot my best friend’s birthday six months ago. Well, I say forgot when really I remembered too late and she came round and I realised I hadn’t even got her a card. I’ve felt guilty about that for six whole months, so guilty that I’ve never even brought it up with her! This week I sent her some flowers as a half-birthday present. It’s obviously a nice thing to do but it replaces a present I would have got her anyway (and alleviates my guilt massively). The second thing is I created and mailed a photobook of my children to a distant relative. I realised this week that  I don’t even know when her birthday is yet she always sends me a card and sends things to the children.  I feel guilty because she hasn’t even met my youngest child yet. I am going to make sure I see her soon, next time I’m up in her vicinity. Again, a nice thing to do but based on what? Guilt. I’ll draw your attention back to this post.

It’s true that some of the Acts of Kindness we’ve blogged about we would have done anyway. That’s not to say they’re not worthy of noting and counting towards our project. Kindness counts every day and there are many kind things we do that we don’t note. All of the times we hold doors open, smile at strangers, pick something up for someone… they all count. This week’s two acts, however I’m not counting. Instead, I’m using them to improve myself – I’m going to make sure they don’t need to happen because I’d have paid them the proper attention they deserved in the first place.

LJM2

 

 

 

Sprinkles and Magic: Conversations with Little LoveJoinMe1

There are four little LoveJoinMes. The eldest is four. He is very inquisitive and is very good with numbers and maths. Today in the car he asked the question “when we get to a big number, do we go back down and get to zero like when I was a baby?” I explained that your age just keeps getting bigger and then stops when you die. He asked why it stops and I explained that that’s when the person ‘stops’. Only they don’t in so many ways.  He asked me to explain dying (I have before but it’s a bit of a tricky concept for him to understand). I told him that it’s when someone’s really poorly or their body stops working properly, like with her. I said that his auntie and I are doing a project and we are doing kind things for people to honour, remember and celebrate her. He said, “like when we went to the countryside (cemetery) and left the cards of seeds!”.

I asked him if he could think of any other kind things that we could do for someone. Without hesitation he said, “we could take some flowers to the people when their body stops working”. Just then we drove past the cemetery where we left the seeds and I explained that all the grave stones were where the people’s bodies were. He asked if we could take flowers to where hers was.  I reminded him that she is on the cliff, where we spread her ashes (I may have explained cremation using the words “sprinkles” after he asked what ashes and dust were! So he may now tell others that her sprinkles are on the grass on the cliff!). He said we should take flowers there at first and then he said “or we could take them to her house!” Death and its finality are still so lost on him. I explained we couldn’t, that she was gone and would always be gone and we can take them to the cliff like he said.   So we will one day soon. And we’ll carry on teaching him and the other little ones her ways of kindness too; how people’s bodies may stop but their love lingers, and that their effect on the world can be huge and can ripple through to reach others years after their death.

Just as we pulled up on the drive he said, “but, mummy, why can’t we just magic her back?”. “We can’t” I replied.

Oh to be four! With sprinkles not ashes, with magic and kisses fixing even the most difficult of things.

Forget-me-not #36


The (very quickly written) poem reads:

In here you will find some seeds,

They are for you, a good deed,

For we also know of grief,

And that time is all too brief.

The heartache felt of a death, 

Feeling a very last breath,

Take these, it will mean a lot,

Your loved one, Forget-Them-Not.
This RAK is to offer some comfort to the grieving. Accompanying the poem are little envelopes, each with some forget-me-not seeds in, instructions and with a different quotation on the front.


Some of the quotations are meaningful to us, particularly  Sonnet 18 which I read as part of her eulogy as it was one of her favourites.

I took the envelopes to the cemetery in my home town but choosing where to place it was difficult given the rain and wind. In the end I settled on resting it next to the old chapel on the main path through the cemetery.

Little LJM1 & 2 and I spent some time wandering around the graves. The children were care-free: falling over, picking daisies and meandering as they do. In their innocence, death means nothing to them. They didn’t understand the graves, what they were, that they are someone’s sorrow and someone’s comfort. One day they will understand. But I don’t think that they’ll understand or grasp her absence in their lives, no matter how much I tell them. For what you’ve never known you never miss.

One day a little while ago Little LJM1 asked “mummy, do you miss her?”. “Yes,” I replied, “every day.”